


such a cute family

by readerie



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (I hope), Brotherly Love, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Found Families, Gen, Humor, Iron Bros, Irondad, Misunderstandings, Sibling Love, Slightly crack, Timeline What Timeline, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, happy birthday floweryfran!, homiesexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23851486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readerie/pseuds/readerie
Summary: "Tony smiled, glancing back at them through the mirror. He never thought he’d be toting around three kids in a beat-up minivan while wearing khaki cargo shorts and listening to Enya with the volume turned up entirely too loudly, but here he was, and he couldn’t be happier."ORTony, Peter, Harley, and Morgan are a cute little family...just maybe not in the way some people think.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 20
Kudos: 228





	such a cute family

**Author's Note:**

  * For [floweryfran](https://archiveofourown.org/users/floweryfran/gifts).



> First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE INCREDIBLE, WONDERFUL, AMAZING FLOWERYFRAN! Fresca, you have my heart. Thanks for being such a good friend :) Everyone in the universe needs to read her fics, because she is the actual goddess of writing. Her series [a motley crew](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372750) is my very favorite series on the whole archive.
> 
> Second of all, this fic is slightly inspired by [ciaconnaa's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciaconnaa/pseuds/ciaconnaa) brilliant [what's up, grandpa?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18262253) and [what's chill, gramps?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18432992). If you like this fic, you should definitely check out hers!
> 
> Thirdly, thanks to the magnificent [TheOceanIsMyInkwell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOceanIsMyInkwell/pseuds/TheOceanIsMyInkwell) for his help with the tricky parts and obscure knowledge of Italian grammar!
> 
> Note: this fic takes place in a liminal space where I could make the characters whatever ages I want and also completely defenestrate canon

“You know, you really shouldn’t be using a straw.”

Harley waved the straw around and said, “Yeah, yeah, I know, save the turtles and all that.”

“No, I mean...it’s just a really weird way to eat lasagna,” Peter said, laughing.

Tony rolled his eyes. After accidentally dropping his fork on the floor, Harley had taken the straw from his glass of water, dried it off in a napkin, and was now using it to skewer bites of his lasagna.

He flagged down their waitress, a young woman probably about Peter and Harley’s age. She had a tiny little nose ring and chipped black nail polish. “Can we get another fork for this hooligan over here?” he asked, reaching across the table to ruffle Harley’s hair. Harley pretended to be indignant, but Tony knew he secretly liked the attention.

“Of course! Be back in a sec,” the waitress replied with a smile, and scurried off.

Peter and Harley had just finished their first year of college. They were only eighteen and nineteen, but somehow, they looked so much older and more mature than they had a year ago. Peter had finally grown into his stupid Dumbo ears, and Harley’s glasses finally fit his face. As much as Tony hated to admit it, his boys were growing up.

He had planned to take them out on a boys’ night to celebrate officially finishing their freshman year, but as much as he had missed them, Morgan insisted she had missed them more. She begged to be included, and since none of them could resist her adorable little pouty face, Tony caved almost instantly. They even let her pick the restaurant: a mediocre little Italian place in town. It looked like it hadn’t seen any updates to its interior design since the early ‘90s, with walls painted the ugliest shade of emerald green, gingham half-curtains, a chipped mural depicting a bustling Italian square, and sun-faded posters of famous Italian artworks. The food was decent, but Tony suspected the only reason Morgan loved it so much was because of the giant fish tank near the entrance. He was pretty sure she would attempt to climb in if he took his eyes off of her for a single second.

Morgan had insisted on sitting between her two honorary older brothers, so all three of them were squeezed on one side of the booth, while Tony had the other side all to himself. He didn’t mind the space, since he kept having to adjust himself to keep the bottoms of his thighs from sticking to the cracked vinyl. He was wearing his “dorky dad disguise,” a joint birthday gift from all three kids. It consisted of a baseball cap that looked like it had been languishing on the dusty shelf of a thrift store for 30 years, a t-shirt that read “Don’t be upsetti, have some spaghetti!”, the most horrific khaki cargo shorts known to man, white crew socks, and knockoff Birkenstocks. Pepper always told him he looked ready to host a neighborhood barbecue or fall asleep in front of the TV at 9:00 p.m., but he wore the ensemble every time he wanted to go incognito in public, and so far, it had been foolproof. Instead of seeing Tony Stark, famous playboy and savior of the world, people saw an average dad with a less-than-average sense of style. Good thing, too, because if anyone recognized him while wearing that hideous getup, his reputation would be utterly ruined forever. He’d have to relocate the lake house to the moon or something.

The waitress came back with Harley’s fork just as he was trying to feed Peter a bite of his lasagne from the dang straw. “Come on! You said you wanted to try a bite!” He waved the lasagne-laden straw in the air in front of Peter’s face, like he was trying to coerce a baby into eating their mashed peas. Peter kept his mouth closed, shaking his head and laughing through his nose. Thankfully for him, Morgan opened her mouth wide and snatched it up.

“Not from your nasty straw, I don’t,” Peter said, reaching over and helping himself to a bite with his own fork.

Harley took his fork from the waitress with a thank-you, and after refilling his water, she left to seat another group of patrons. Morgan took the straw and started skewering her noodles one by one. “Hey, Dad? Can I eat everything with a straw from now on?”

“Heck yeah!” Harley replied, giving her a high-five, at the same time Tony said, “Absolutely not,” and plucked it from her grasp.

The rest of the meal was pretty uneventful in comparison. Peter and Harley told the story of how the A/C in their dorm broke their last week of classes, and since the students were all going home soon anyway, the university hadn’t bothered to fix it. “It was awful,” Peter remembered with a grimace. “We just laid on the floor in our underwear, sweating buckets, for like, all of finals week. There was so much sweat. _Soooo_ much. Harley dripped so much on his Economics textbook that there’s no hope of reselling it.” Harley kicked him under the table. “What? It's true. Plus, I'm pretty sure I felt a drip of Harley sweat drop on my forehead one night as I was sleeping. The bottom bunk sucks. Anyway, I’m requesting a refund on my tuition.” He paused in thought, then added, “Also, I’m suing for emotional distress. That’s a thing, right?”

"I'm gonna sue _you_ for emotional distress," Harley grumbled under his breath.

Morgan told them about how Gerald the alpaca had accidentally slipped into the lake, and they had panicked for a minute before FRIDAY informed them that apparently, alpacas can swim. Morgan had been thrilled with her new aquatic buddy. “You’ve gotta see it! He even lets me put floaties on him, and he’s only eaten one of my pool noodles,” she said with a gap-toothed grin.

After they had all finished eating, Tony went up to the counter to pay while the boys took Morgan to look at the fishtank. Peter hoisted her up on his hip so she could see better, and Harley sucked his cheeks in and crossed his eyes, trying to convince Morgan he was actually part fish.

“Who needs Spider-Man when you can have Fish-Man?” he said, giving Morgan a fishy kiss on the side of the head. Peter feigned offense while Tony fondly rolled his eyes.

“You guys are such a cute family,” the waitress said, punching something into the credit-card reader. (He had thankfully remembered to give her the card with one of his many fake names. Wearing the Dorky Dad Disguise didn’t do much if he also announced his full, god-given name to the world.)

Tony snapped back to attention, his mouth slowly curling up into a smile. It was one of those full-faced smiles he rarely showed in public, the corners of his eyes wrinkling and his nose scrunching a bit. He may only be related to one of the kids, but he liked to pretend, sometimes, that all three were his. “We are, aren’t we?” he replied, shaking his head a little bit.

“You know, I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but…” She pushes the receipt across the counter for Tony to sign. “I think it’s really cool how supportive you are of your son and his partner.”

Tony’s smile faltered. What?

The waitress pressed on. “I mean, not everyone is that loving and accepting of gay couples. When my niece came out, my sister and her husband all but threw her out on the street, and no matter how many times I told her….” She trailed off. “Anyway, it’s nice to see a dad supporting his gay son’s relationship and accepting his son-in-law with open arms. And you’re such a cute grandpa to their little daughter!”

Tony tried not to laugh, pretending to cough when a snicker escaped. He knew they were a cute family, and he did support gay couples in general, but Peter and Harley were definitely not together, and Morgan was definitely not their daughter. You turn fifty and suddenly people assume you’re a grandparent? Sure, he’s a little on the old side to have a five-year-old daughter, and since they started college, Peter and Harley have suddenly started looking a little more like men and a little less like boys, but really?

He guessed his outfit must have worked a little too well this time, going past Dorky Dad Disguise right to Geriatric Grandpa Getup. He was used to people mistaking Peter and Harley as his sons or as Morgan’s big brothers (and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t tickled pink every time it happened), but this was a new one.

Still, he didn’t want to crush this poor waitress’s dreams. She had poured her heart out so earnestly, and he couldn’t bear to tell her the truth. He just settled for, “Well, a father’s love knows no bounds.”

“What’s that, my dear old Dad? Your love for me knows no bounds?”

Oh, no. That definitely wasn’t Morgan’s voice. Harley sidled up to him and slung his arm around Tony’s shoulders. He had his signature mischievous grin on his face, and Tony knew it could only mean one thing.

“Oh, I was just telling your dad here what a cute family you are! And what a sweet grandpa he is to his adorable little granddaughter,” the waitress explained, grinning from ear to ear.

“Is that so? Well, as my sexy, smokin’ hot husband and I always say, we did pick quite a cute one.” By this point, Peter and Morgan had joined them. Peter looked like he was about ready to have an aneurysm, and he wisely clapped his hand over Morgan’s mouth when she opened it to say something. “Isn’t that right, my darling Pete? The light of my life, the apple of my eye, the Han to my Leia, the player two to my player one, the brokeback to my mountain…” Harley said, and then smacked a disgustingly wet kiss on the corner of Peter’s mouth. Peter stared straight ahead, mouth twitching, as if the only thing keeping him together was his intense eye contact with the faded poster of Michelangelo’s David on the wall. Harley looked entirely too pleased with himself.

Tony almost lost it at Peter’s horrified look. “Yes…dear….” Peter managed to squeak out, his face redder than the surface of the sun. Morgan furrowed her brow in confusion, but luckily stayed silent.

The waitress just laughed. “Take care, you guys, okay?” she said, handing Tony’s card back to him.

“Oh, we will,” Tony said, and clapped a hand around the back of each of the boys’ necks, guiding them towards the door.

As soon as they stepped out into the warm summer air, they completely exploded. Harley cackled with glee, bent over with the force of his laughter, and repeatedly slapped his knee. Peter rubbed a hand over his still-red (though smiling) face, halfheartedly hitting Harley on the shoulder with the other. Tony absolutely cracked up, tears streaming from his eyes. Morgan tugged on Tony’s sleeve, trying to get his attention, saying, “Daddy! Dad! DAD!”

“Yeah, Momo?” he responded once he had gained his composure, wiping his eyes with the neck of the stupid spaghetti t-shirt.

“What happened? Why is everyone acting so weird?” Morgan pouted, crossing her arms. “And why did Harley kiss Peter on the lips? Isn’t that just for people in love?” she added after a moment, curling her lip in disgust.

That sent the three of them into another round of uproarious laughter. Morgan was highly unamused, and she stomped her little feet, activating her Avengers-themed light-up sneakers (a gift from her beloved uncle Rhodey).

“You’ll understand when you’re older, baby,” Tony replied, reaching down to take her hand as they walked across the street to the parking garage. Morgan hummed, unimpressed, but let it drop.

A few paces ahead, Harley and Peter were in a teasing argument. “Just be thankful I didn’t kiss you, like, fully on the lips,” Harley said, wiping his glasses on his shirt.

“Your lips touched my lips! I think that counts!” Peter admonished. “I thought we agreed we were just _homie_ sexual for each other.”

“Well then, I guess the Gay Virgin Lips Club has lost two of its members,” Harley replied with a little smirk.

“You’re disgusting. This is like, incest,” Peter said, but he wrapped his arm around Harley’s shoulders and tipped over a little bit, nudging the side of Harley’s head with his own. “And don’t pretend I don’t know about that one thing with that one guy. Your membership to the gay VL club expired a _looooong_ time ago.”

Harley pushed Peter away. Now it was his turn to flush with embarrassment. “I thought we agreed to never discuss it again! And especially not in front of _Tony_!” He glanced back, although didn’t dare meet Tony’s eyes.

Tony waved a hand nonchalantly. “Need-to-know basis, kid. As long as he’s not a creeper and you’re using protection,” he said almost absentmindedly as he unlocked the car. It was a minivan, something he would never in a million years have driven of his own accord, but it was inconspicuous. Plus, the boys insisted it complimented his outfit, and Morgan was thrilled that there was enough room in the backseat for her to be able to sit between her brothers. The things he did for his kids….

“You forgive me?” Harley asked after buckling Morgan’s seatbelt and climbing in.

“Are you kidding? That was the funniest thing that has ever happened, like, ever. Of course I forgive you. Can you really believe she thought we were _married_? And that Morgan was our _daughter_? I mean, we’re not old enough to have a kid! We’re babies! I would’ve had to have given birth to her when I was like, thirteen. And she thought that Tony is her grandpa?” Peter asked, his voice raising in pitch towards the end.

“Uh, Peter, I hate to break it to you, but age is not the only thing preventing you from giving birth,” Tony chimed in from the front.

Morgan screwed up her little face. “ _Ohhhh_ ,” she said after a moment, coming to a realization, and giggled. She kicked Tony’s seat to get his attention. “I must be older now, because I understand.” She thought for a minute, then added, “Grandpa,” with a smirk so self-satisfied she must have learned it from studying Harley.

Tony whipped around to face the backseat. “You little—“ he said, barely cutting himself off before he could swear at a five-year-old. “Just for that, we’re listening to Peter’s music on the way home.” Peter cheered, Harley rolled his eyes, and Morgan groaned dramatically, slumping her entire body to the side and draping herself across Harley’s lap. Harley patted her shoulder in solidarity.

Tony pushed a couple buttons on the dash, selecting CD number three (CD, really) on the van’s state-of-the-art six-disc player. Before long, the soothing tones of Enya filled the vehicle.

“ _Daaaaaad_ ,” Morgan whined. “Why can’t we listen to your music?” She really was her father’s daughter; she didn’t accept anything besides classic rock (and the occasional nursery rhyme).

Tony turned the music up in response and rolled down all the windows, and they took off down the road, blaring Enya for all to hear. “I love this song!” he yelled, although all of them knew it wasn’t true. He hated Peter’s taste in music almost as much as Morgan did.

Harley covered his face with his hands. “You’re so embarrassing. You’re like, the most embarrassing dad in the world. What if someone recognizes you?”

Peter whooped and reached across Morgan to nudge Harley’s leg. “I think you mean the best dad in the world!” he said, doing a series of ridiculous dance moves and dramatically lip syncing in a way that the mellow, echo-y song absolutely did not warrant.

Tony smiled, glancing back at them through the mirror. He never thought he’d be toting around three kids in a beat-up minivan while wearing khaki cargo shorts and listening to Enya with the volume turned up entirely too loudly, but here he was, and he couldn’t be happier.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. It was pretty rude of the universe to let him be mistaken for a grandpa, especially when you account for all the times he’d saved the world. Ah, well. He figured it would be a good story to tell the grandkids someday. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I gladly accept comments and kudos. If you want more ironfam, check out my other works :) Love you all!
> 
> P.S. I would like to take credit for the lasagna thing, but alas, I got it from an [incorrect quotes post](https://basically-harley-keener.tumblr.com/post/614147413715910656/peter-you-shouldnt-be-using-a-straw-harley-yeah%20on%20tumblr)


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